Continuing Education

By day the LORD went ahead of them in a pillar of cloud to guide them on their way and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, so that they could travel by day or night. Neither the pillar of cloud by day nor the pillar of fire by night left its place in front of the people. --Exodus 13:21-22

It's never a dull moment here on Mars. Some days, I feel like Dorothy, caught up in a tornado of stuff. And my little cats, too.

I just get comfy in a church, the door opens to leave. I think I know where I am going next-- that door slams shut. Quite loudly and painfully. Ouch.

And over there, a new door begins to creak open, a shaft of light-- a pillar, perhaps-- shines through the crack. 

Always, God leading. Always, heidi a step or three behind.

In the midst of this latest break-up, someone asked me if I had stopped to reflect on what God might be teaching me through this event. So here are perhaps a few things I am learning about myself, and about God: 

I am (re)learning that God's plan may seem quite obtuse at times. (My MDiv is only a degree, not wisdom. DUH.)

I am (re)learning about priorities. Am I anxious and eager to get on with things? Sure. But sometimes there are so many other things that are way, way more important. Life or death important. 

I am learning that pain hurts. And I am learning that if I don't allow myself time and space to experience this latest hurt, let myself admit just how hard this is, letting go of people and a place I considered family for a very long time-- if I cannot do that, if I cannot shed a few (more) tears, there will be no healing. And if there are no tears to water the hardened soil of my heart, there will be no growth.

I continue to learn that despite the pain, we are made for community and we are made to live together. God never intended for us to journey alone for very long. Even our Triune God is in constant community-- and constantly seeks us, as well, because God so loves us.

I continue to affirm that the Family of God is so much more, so much greater than any single church family, or any single denominational family. Children of God, like the children of humans, come in many sizes, shapes-- and yes, even beliefs. And the older I get, the more I want to learn from these many different family members. And none of us will ever, ever learn a thing if we keep yakking and never stop to look, listen and love with our hearts. 

Most of all, I continue to understand, more each day, that God really, truly is leading me-- even me, by day in a pillar of cloud and by night in a pillar of light. 

But I need to lift my eyes to see. (And that also means pulling my nose out of my navel.) 

And just when I need it most, I also receive a fresh lesson (okay, three, at least) in the power of prayer, the healing, comforting, strengthening power of time spent not just speaking to God, but listening deeply for that still, small voice of love. 

We pray for healing, we pray for comfort for ourselves or someone we love. And sometimes-- of course, it could be just me talking here, but sometimes we forget to watch for God's answer. 

And even when we see the answer, plain as the nose on our face, we smile and keep walking, never stopping long enough to praise God for his magnificent grace and glory in our broken lives. 

Stop. Right now. You have stopped long enough to read this blog, so take another minute to thank God for what he has done. 

Gracious God, I thank you for surrounding me and mine with your Divine love and protection. 

I thank you for the people you have brought into my life (yes, you know who you are) and pray you will bless them even as you have blessed me-- and more.

I thank you for your healing touch in my spiritual sore spots, and for the physical healing of Steve.

I thank you for the very gift of life, in all its wonderful, mysterious forms.

And I thank you for believing in me, for challenging me but never leaving me to face those challenges alone. 

Amen.